Post by lauren on Jul 6, 2015 14:09:58 GMT
Megan: It’s _________, and live from the Wakefield Middle School Choir retreat, it’s “Wake Up, Wakefield.”
M: Because my bff and co-host Sheldon is not a totally awesome choir member, he is not able to host with me, live from the camp. So, anyway. . . (Sheldon walks in, sits down) Sheldon, why are you here?
Sheldon: Well, the band retreat was here yesterday, of which I am a member of the cello section of the orchestra. But, as we were leaving today, some other un-named band member thought it would be funny to lock me in the broom closet and leave without me. Previously, they had some fun holding me down and putting toilet bleach in my hair. Unfortunately, my vision is obscured because some of it got in my eyes.
M: Wow, that’s sad.
S: Yeah, I know. Anyway, we have some retreat announcements. The owners of the camp ask you to refrain from putting their felines on the swings and trying to catapult them to their oblivion. One of them is going through chemotherapy and get sick easily. Also, certain people here don’t like it when certain choir members pull their pants down as they are going past the girl’s cabin. It damages their self-esteem, one they’ve been trying to build up with five months of mental therapy. Megan, do you have anything to add.
M: Well, I’m here to announce a new segment we are adding to the show. . .
S: Megan, we didn’t talk about this.
M: Quiet, Sheldon. It will be called “Things Randy Goldman Did This Week That I Thought Were Really Awesome”. Monday: A pigeon died in the courtyard, and Randy stopped to look at it, which I thought was really awesome, even if he did throw rocks at it. Wednesday: Randy Goldman won the 5th period game of Sprouts single-handedly. I know this because I skipped 5th period to watch him in gym. Mr. B wasn’t really happy when he caught me. And Thursday: Randy Goldman was looking totally hot in his new red sweater from the GAP. For lunch he had a cheeseburger, fries, and a cherry Coke. I totally wish I was that cheeseburger.
S: Were your dreams not squelched that day, though?
M: Yes, because for the first time for the three weeks that they’ve been going out, Randy ate lunch with his new girlfriend, Ashleigh.
S: Coincidentally, this very same Ashleigh is the person we are interviewing tonight. So please welcome, Miss Ashleigh Hill.
Ashleigh: (walks in, sits down) Ohmygosh, like HI!
S: So Ashleigh, as a member of the choir, tell us what you are doing this year.
A: Like, singing and stuff.
S: Top notch! So, what can we expect from the choir this year?
A: Um (pauses, looks dumb) I dunno.
S: What is your favorite part about choir?
A: Well, when Mr. St John isn’t looking, Randy and I sneak out and make out in the practice room.
M: I have a question that is choir-related. What is it like to kiss Randy Goldman?
A: Ummm. . . what?
M: I bet it’s like having a warm summer breeze wash over your lips.
A: No, it’s not. (Randy walks in).
M: Oh, hi Randy Goldman, I didn’t see you standing there. How weird is this, to be in the same room with me and your girlfriend?
Randy: Um, yeah. (to Ashleigh) You gotta come outside! There’s a dog peeing on a tree!
A: Well, Randy, I’m kinda being interviewed right now. It’s my moment to shine. Oh, who cares, this show sucks. (Ashleigh leaves, Randy follows, then Megan goes to touch Randy’s shirt). Did you just touch his shirt?
M: Um, yeah.
A: Did I give you permission to touch my man?
M: I’m. . . I’m sorry, but he smells so clean. (reaches out to touch him again, Ashleigh slaps it away).
S: Let’s try to keep the violence down to a minimum people.
A: Shut up, dork-wad!
M: I’m sorry Ashleigh, I couldn’t help myself.
A: Yeah, you’re right, and you’re gonna be even more sorrier!
S: (scary voice) SILENCE YOU PATHETIC CREATURE! YOU MAY NOT HARM THIS BEAUTIFUL LADY!
A: Ohmygosh, I am so outtie! (leaves with Randy)
S: YES, RUN AWAY, YOU RANDY GOLDMAN, YOU PRE-PUBESENT COWARD!
M: Um, Sheldon, I’m sorry, but I don’t like you like that!
S: Oh. . . I’m sorry, I must return to my solitude in the broom closet. Signing off, I am Sheldon. (leaves)
M: And once again I am left alone to ponder the day when I will become Mrs. Randy Wayne Goldman. (walks away) Oh, Randy. . .
FIN
M: Because my bff and co-host Sheldon is not a totally awesome choir member, he is not able to host with me, live from the camp. So, anyway. . . (Sheldon walks in, sits down) Sheldon, why are you here?
Sheldon: Well, the band retreat was here yesterday, of which I am a member of the cello section of the orchestra. But, as we were leaving today, some other un-named band member thought it would be funny to lock me in the broom closet and leave without me. Previously, they had some fun holding me down and putting toilet bleach in my hair. Unfortunately, my vision is obscured because some of it got in my eyes.
M: Wow, that’s sad.
S: Yeah, I know. Anyway, we have some retreat announcements. The owners of the camp ask you to refrain from putting their felines on the swings and trying to catapult them to their oblivion. One of them is going through chemotherapy and get sick easily. Also, certain people here don’t like it when certain choir members pull their pants down as they are going past the girl’s cabin. It damages their self-esteem, one they’ve been trying to build up with five months of mental therapy. Megan, do you have anything to add.
M: Well, I’m here to announce a new segment we are adding to the show. . .
S: Megan, we didn’t talk about this.
M: Quiet, Sheldon. It will be called “Things Randy Goldman Did This Week That I Thought Were Really Awesome”. Monday: A pigeon died in the courtyard, and Randy stopped to look at it, which I thought was really awesome, even if he did throw rocks at it. Wednesday: Randy Goldman won the 5th period game of Sprouts single-handedly. I know this because I skipped 5th period to watch him in gym. Mr. B wasn’t really happy when he caught me. And Thursday: Randy Goldman was looking totally hot in his new red sweater from the GAP. For lunch he had a cheeseburger, fries, and a cherry Coke. I totally wish I was that cheeseburger.
S: Were your dreams not squelched that day, though?
M: Yes, because for the first time for the three weeks that they’ve been going out, Randy ate lunch with his new girlfriend, Ashleigh.
S: Coincidentally, this very same Ashleigh is the person we are interviewing tonight. So please welcome, Miss Ashleigh Hill.
Ashleigh: (walks in, sits down) Ohmygosh, like HI!
S: So Ashleigh, as a member of the choir, tell us what you are doing this year.
A: Like, singing and stuff.
S: Top notch! So, what can we expect from the choir this year?
A: Um (pauses, looks dumb) I dunno.
S: What is your favorite part about choir?
A: Well, when Mr. St John isn’t looking, Randy and I sneak out and make out in the practice room.
M: I have a question that is choir-related. What is it like to kiss Randy Goldman?
A: Ummm. . . what?
M: I bet it’s like having a warm summer breeze wash over your lips.
A: No, it’s not. (Randy walks in).
M: Oh, hi Randy Goldman, I didn’t see you standing there. How weird is this, to be in the same room with me and your girlfriend?
Randy: Um, yeah. (to Ashleigh) You gotta come outside! There’s a dog peeing on a tree!
A: Well, Randy, I’m kinda being interviewed right now. It’s my moment to shine. Oh, who cares, this show sucks. (Ashleigh leaves, Randy follows, then Megan goes to touch Randy’s shirt). Did you just touch his shirt?
M: Um, yeah.
A: Did I give you permission to touch my man?
M: I’m. . . I’m sorry, but he smells so clean. (reaches out to touch him again, Ashleigh slaps it away).
S: Let’s try to keep the violence down to a minimum people.
A: Shut up, dork-wad!
M: I’m sorry Ashleigh, I couldn’t help myself.
A: Yeah, you’re right, and you’re gonna be even more sorrier!
S: (scary voice) SILENCE YOU PATHETIC CREATURE! YOU MAY NOT HARM THIS BEAUTIFUL LADY!
A: Ohmygosh, I am so outtie! (leaves with Randy)
S: YES, RUN AWAY, YOU RANDY GOLDMAN, YOU PRE-PUBESENT COWARD!
M: Um, Sheldon, I’m sorry, but I don’t like you like that!
S: Oh. . . I’m sorry, I must return to my solitude in the broom closet. Signing off, I am Sheldon. (leaves)
M: And once again I am left alone to ponder the day when I will become Mrs. Randy Wayne Goldman. (walks away) Oh, Randy. . .
FIN
